this morning (if you don’t know, he’s the winner of season 6 of “The Great American Baking Show”), and we were discussing SNAFUs.
I make them all the time—in all areas of my life—but especially in the kitchen. So, I thought once a week, we could meet here to share our screwups and laugh.
So I’ll go first. Today I made blueberry muffins for The One for breakfast, and I forgot the blueberries.
I was a fledgling baker and saw a great recipe for a cake to serve to my soon-to-arrive friends. I only had a 10 cup cake pan, and the recipe called for a 12 cup pan, but I figured "close enough." I put the (completely filled) pan in the oven and went to take a shower. The smoke alarm started blaring, I ran out to see batter pouring out of the oven ala "I Love Lucy." The weird thing was, my guests and I had no problem scraping/eating the burnt cake off the oven (ah, youth, and perhaps some "edibles")! To this day, "the lava cake" is one of my most requested creations.
So, this week, I was testing some peanut butter bars. I thought I'd be frugal and instead of buying regular-sized chocolate chips, I went with mini chips that I had on hand. Into the batter went two cups of minis. Well, the volume for regular chips and mini is vastly different. So instead of having PEANUT BUTTER bars with chocolate chips, I have almost solid Peanut Butter Bars with CHOCOLATE. It wasn't even studded with chips; it was all chocolate. Back to the store. Reminds me of the phrase: Pound Wise and Penny Foolish.
So many, but the worst was right after I moved my elderly parents from Florida to live near us. After an exhausting week, I came home from work and without even taking off my coat, I put eggs on to boil, figuring I would make a Cobb salad for dinner. I sunk down in an easy chair and fell asleep. I was awakened by what sounded like gun shots. It was my eggs which had boiled all the way down and exploded all over the kitchen. It's hard to explain the mess. It was as if someone had grated hard-boiled eggs on a wire grater and then just thrown the tiny pieces including shell all over, including light fixtures and the recesses of cabinets. The ceiling had to be redone and months later if the light was right, we might spot a tiny piece of eggshell somewhere in that kitchen.
I did the EXACT same thing, albeit not for a Cobb salad. And - oh - the STENCH of those burnt, exploded eggs 😖. Almost as bad, it was the rental property I'd moved into at 17, (to attend engineering school), and had "popcorn stipple" ceilings throughout, excepting the bathroom. And said ceiling was full of silver glitter. The small kitchen opened into the living room, which opened... How the hell do you cover THAT up?
You don't. You brush off as much as you can with your broom and wait for it to dry, hoping it hadn't stained too much. When I moved out 10 years later, you could still see faint stains. 😬
I once made blueberry muffins and forgot the sugar! Weirdly, they looked beautiful. I took them to work and then threw them in a trashcan. A young engineer said “what? I’ll eat them!” Pulled one your of the office freshly lined trash can, took one bite and said nope. We all laughed! Even “Mikey” couldn’t eat those!
All my siblings and in-laws and friends know not to come near the house at the cooking stage for anything that needs to be cooked in a hot pan. I seem to interpret this as an instruction to bring everything to a melting point including the pan and operate through a fugue of smoke.
I ruined a pan of baklava because the manufacturer of the "rose water" called for in the recipe labeled it as rose water and not what it actually was, which was rose EXTRACT.
How much time do you have? There was the time I needed to quickly heat up my tortilla soup so I put it on way high, it boiled over and spilled into the silverware drawer. Same dinner I put a tray of drinks on the table -but not all the way on the table - lots of broken glass. I once doubled the amount of unsweetened chocolate in a chocolate cake, very dense. Took my Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven, removed it from the pan and was going to get the drippings set for the gravy as I see my German/non-cooking friend put a big squirt of dish soap in there for easier clean up. All time top fail was getting a frozen, farm-raised turkey and leaving it to defrost in our extra fridge. When I went to check on it, I realized the fridge was cool but not cold. 10 pounds of rotting turkey.
And I didn’t even mention the time I found my 2 year old kneading the dough I had rising on the dining room floor. And yes, I used it and yes, we did have a dog.
That was many years ago and things have calmed down considerably. I cannot not promise though that, if things go south, I will not serve you floor bread.
A woman's gotta do, what a woman's gotta do! I've served floor spaghetti. Turkey dressing. Pork chops... Not that I'm a klutz, or anything - I just have random muscle spasms, after a bad car wreck. Can't begin to count the number of glass coffee carafes, cups, and serving dishes I've broken over the years. I stashed my sets of good dishes, and started using Corelle. At least it breaks cleanly, most of the time. 😕
Shockingly not. Although my recipe has a lot of baking powder in it so it still rose albeit a little dense. Taste was still the same. Since they only get it once a year, they would never had been the wiser. But I told everyone anyway since I thought it was hilarious!
Where do I start? I'm shocked that I had no major fails while cameras were in my face.
This week, I added one too many eggs and an extra teaspoon of baking powder to a pound cake, which absolutely failed.
Once, I followed a recipe for Babka but failed to read the instructions to divide it in half and put it in two loaf tins. So I had a giant Babka overflow that fell onto the floor of the oven, burnt, and set off the smoke alarms.
I was making six dozen molasses spice cookies, but used blackstrap molasses instead of regular molasses. The cookies were inedible. Do not make that mistake. Especially when the recipe says "do not use blackstrap molasses."
Martin, we should create a Hall of Fame for you and me. My biggest, biggest SNAFU was when I almost burned down the house from reducing maple syrup on the stove. Yup!
Um, yeah. I can imagine. I've done that when I stashed a roasting pan in the oven to keep it out of sight of guests and then preheated it the next time....
While embarrassing, I do like to pass on a tale of personal trauma to help prevent it from being repeated. I’ve cooked most meals in our home during our 53 years of marriage. My wife says she welcomes my efforts. I’ve got a record of cooking food that’s edible 99% of the time—my score, not hers. But . . . . In the 1970s came salmon en croûte. Maybe I’ve really been screwing up for a long long time, but the only one I remember from years past is a New Year’s Eve meal Hayden LeClair, at the time a Nordic Ware honcho—the Bundt cake pan company folks—and I tried to make. We shopped, we prepped, we cooked, and we cooked literally all day before we tossed it all in the garbage without eating a bite. It was a train wreck! We were aspiring foodies practicing on our spouses who failed miserably. I wish Cooking for My Soul [https://cookingformysoul.com/salmon-wellington/] was around back then to offer this recipe.
I hear you, Wayne, and I commend you on making salmon en croûte. It's a bitch of a recipe. I've made it several times, and in the immortal words of Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry, I had a soggy bottom.
I was a fledgling baker and saw a great recipe for a cake to serve to my soon-to-arrive friends. I only had a 10 cup cake pan, and the recipe called for a 12 cup pan, but I figured "close enough." I put the (completely filled) pan in the oven and went to take a shower. The smoke alarm started blaring, I ran out to see batter pouring out of the oven ala "I Love Lucy." The weird thing was, my guests and I had no problem scraping/eating the burnt cake off the oven (ah, youth, and perhaps some "edibles")! To this day, "the lava cake" is one of my most requested creations.
Hysterical, Robin! The old eating off the oven/floor/counter/bottom of the fridge move. Ah, the eccentricities of Cannabis sativa.
JUNE 8, 2024
So, this week, I was testing some peanut butter bars. I thought I'd be frugal and instead of buying regular-sized chocolate chips, I went with mini chips that I had on hand. Into the batter went two cups of minis. Well, the volume for regular chips and mini is vastly different. So instead of having PEANUT BUTTER bars with chocolate chips, I have almost solid Peanut Butter Bars with CHOCOLATE. It wasn't even studded with chips; it was all chocolate. Back to the store. Reminds me of the phrase: Pound Wise and Penny Foolish.
So many, but the worst was right after I moved my elderly parents from Florida to live near us. After an exhausting week, I came home from work and without even taking off my coat, I put eggs on to boil, figuring I would make a Cobb salad for dinner. I sunk down in an easy chair and fell asleep. I was awakened by what sounded like gun shots. It was my eggs which had boiled all the way down and exploded all over the kitchen. It's hard to explain the mess. It was as if someone had grated hard-boiled eggs on a wire grater and then just thrown the tiny pieces including shell all over, including light fixtures and the recesses of cabinets. The ceiling had to be redone and months later if the light was right, we might spot a tiny piece of eggshell somewhere in that kitchen.
I did the EXACT same thing, albeit not for a Cobb salad. And - oh - the STENCH of those burnt, exploded eggs 😖. Almost as bad, it was the rental property I'd moved into at 17, (to attend engineering school), and had "popcorn stipple" ceilings throughout, excepting the bathroom. And said ceiling was full of silver glitter. The small kitchen opened into the living room, which opened... How the hell do you cover THAT up?
You don't. You brush off as much as you can with your broom and wait for it to dry, hoping it hadn't stained too much. When I moved out 10 years later, you could still see faint stains. 😬
Terry, oh, no! What a disaster!
Absolute truth! I call it a *stupid human * moment, and boy...have I had a LOT of them, over the years! 😱 🤣
Ellen, I think you might win SNAFU of the Week!
I once made blueberry muffins and forgot the sugar! Weirdly, they looked beautiful. I took them to work and then threw them in a trashcan. A young engineer said “what? I’ll eat them!” Pulled one your of the office freshly lined trash can, took one bite and said nope. We all laughed! Even “Mikey” couldn’t eat those!
I can imagine; they must've tasted were bland. And I definitely remember Mikey!
In college I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies for my friends for Christmas and realized that I forgot the sugar 😳 luckily before I delivered any 🙃
Yikes! Did you remake them?
Oh absolutely! Much better with all the ingredients 🙃
All my siblings and in-laws and friends know not to come near the house at the cooking stage for anything that needs to be cooked in a hot pan. I seem to interpret this as an instruction to bring everything to a melting point including the pan and operate through a fugue of smoke.
Ha!!! "Fugue of smoke." Love it.
I ruined a pan of baklava because the manufacturer of the "rose water" called for in the recipe labeled it as rose water and not what it actually was, which was rose EXTRACT.
Doh! I can't imagine what that tasted like--eating a bouquet of flowers.
More like choking on potpourri...
Should have thrown it in the bathtub and had an Arabian Night's soak! 😂 The walnuts are great for exfoliating.
Actually it called for pistachios too
Ha!!!!
How much time do you have? There was the time I needed to quickly heat up my tortilla soup so I put it on way high, it boiled over and spilled into the silverware drawer. Same dinner I put a tray of drinks on the table -but not all the way on the table - lots of broken glass. I once doubled the amount of unsweetened chocolate in a chocolate cake, very dense. Took my Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven, removed it from the pan and was going to get the drippings set for the gravy as I see my German/non-cooking friend put a big squirt of dish soap in there for easier clean up. All time top fail was getting a frozen, farm-raised turkey and leaving it to defrost in our extra fridge. When I went to check on it, I realized the fridge was cool but not cold. 10 pounds of rotting turkey.
Mary, oy! You might have to join me in the Hall of Fame.
And I didn’t even mention the time I found my 2 year old kneading the dough I had rising on the dining room floor. And yes, I used it and yes, we did have a dog.
WHAT 5 second rule? 😂😂
Right?!
That was many years ago and things have calmed down considerably. I cannot not promise though that, if things go south, I will not serve you floor bread.
A woman's gotta do, what a woman's gotta do! I've served floor spaghetti. Turkey dressing. Pork chops... Not that I'm a klutz, or anything - I just have random muscle spasms, after a bad car wreck. Can't begin to count the number of glass coffee carafes, cups, and serving dishes I've broken over the years. I stashed my sets of good dishes, and started using Corelle. At least it breaks cleanly, most of the time. 😕
5 seconds, 5 minutes. Time is just a construct.🙄
👍 True that! Especially when juggling a little...AND a dog! 🤯
HA!! Priceless!
I made Irish Soda Bread as gifts as I do every year and forgot the Baking Soda.
Several times, I've made bread and forgotten the yeast. Kept wondering why the dough was taking so long to rise.
Ha! That's like me and my blueberry muffins.
Wait, what?...am I missing something. Yeast in Blueberry muffins? I must be misunderstanding this....right?
I was referring to my forgetting the blueberries in the blueberry muffins (above)!
Yikes! Did any one notice?
Shockingly not. Although my recipe has a lot of baking powder in it so it still rose albeit a little dense. Taste was still the same. Since they only get it once a year, they would never had been the wiser. But I told everyone anyway since I thought it was hilarious!
Ha!!! Julia Child says, "Never divulge!"
Where do I start? I'm shocked that I had no major fails while cameras were in my face.
This week, I added one too many eggs and an extra teaspoon of baking powder to a pound cake, which absolutely failed.
Once, I followed a recipe for Babka but failed to read the instructions to divide it in half and put it in two loaf tins. So I had a giant Babka overflow that fell onto the floor of the oven, burnt, and set off the smoke alarms.
I was making six dozen molasses spice cookies, but used blackstrap molasses instead of regular molasses. The cookies were inedible. Do not make that mistake. Especially when the recipe says "do not use blackstrap molasses."
Martin, we should create a Hall of Fame for you and me. My biggest, biggest SNAFU was when I almost burned down the house from reducing maple syrup on the stove. Yup!
Oh, we've had smoke. No fires, but we all know what happens when you preheat an oven to 500F with a cooling meringue inside.
Um, yeah. I can imagine. I've done that when I stashed a roasting pan in the oven to keep it out of sight of guests and then preheated it the next time....
Mixed up salt and sugar in scones bleh
Doh!!
Some days aren’t my best days!
While embarrassing, I do like to pass on a tale of personal trauma to help prevent it from being repeated. I’ve cooked most meals in our home during our 53 years of marriage. My wife says she welcomes my efforts. I’ve got a record of cooking food that’s edible 99% of the time—my score, not hers. But . . . . In the 1970s came salmon en croûte. Maybe I’ve really been screwing up for a long long time, but the only one I remember from years past is a New Year’s Eve meal Hayden LeClair, at the time a Nordic Ware honcho—the Bundt cake pan company folks—and I tried to make. We shopped, we prepped, we cooked, and we cooked literally all day before we tossed it all in the garbage without eating a bite. It was a train wreck! We were aspiring foodies practicing on our spouses who failed miserably. I wish Cooking for My Soul [https://cookingformysoul.com/salmon-wellington/] was around back then to offer this recipe.
I hear you, Wayne, and I commend you on making salmon en croûte. It's a bitch of a recipe. I've made it several times, and in the immortal words of Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry, I had a soggy bottom.
I do have more sad tales but this may be the biggest disaster of all time!
There's always next Saturday!
Please! No more! 🥴
Leave your SNAFUs here!