This summer has been a shitshow. Lyme disease, ER visits, The One's impending open-heart surgery. Of course, an old friend stopped by. Re-reading this helped. May it give hope to those who need it. xo
This is such an honest description of your struggles. Your pain is real and the struggle so consuming as you try to fight your way out. I just realized why i need to work with my hands building or making thing or destroying thing as these emotions overtake my own being. Your cooking class and blog has helped fight my own depression.
Lyla, I'm sorry to hear of your depression. Learning to make it an ally rather than an enemy is so helpful. I believe expending all that energy by creating or destroying gets it out of you and into the world, where it can dissipate and be transformed!
never read anything that resonated so perfectly for me. Sorry if it upended your other readers who felt you had a lane to stay in, but by sharing this you found me. thanks so much for putting this out there.
I hear you. Gardening is my salve but cooking used to be. I’ve never thought of myself as being depressed, but at this point in life with things happening I have little or no control over? Yeah, probably. You’ve described it so perfectly. Thank goodness for those who love and extend a hand to soothe.
I hear you, kelly. For years, I was unaware that this thing, this huge maw that I was barely out running was depression. I thought it was what everyone felt.
Yeast living a perfect life are never depressed, it's true. But throw them a curve ball and over proof them or neglect them, and they lose all capability of functioning. Thank you for sharing that you're human and have challenges and pain and upheaval in your life. I am so glad you wrote about this, and so sorry that there are readers who don't understand that our lives are complex and multi-faceted. Keep writing, keep sharing, we're here.
Thank you. We need your voice, these words, to show us what depression is, and how we who have cared and may care again for one suffering, can help. Because we want to but we don’t understand. I loved this — my father also bakes and I think he would agree with what you are saying. He suffers from a melancholy though not depression. That was my brother who we lost at 35. I wish he had baked bread.
Ohhh I was kind of joking, didn’t mean to make you feel bad about eating bread. And yes! I started a Substack newsletter on fashion to make myself get dressed every day. It has actually helped my depression. I’m learning with depression that I’m not going to just wake up one day and feel better and want to do things; I have to force myself to do them when I don’t want to, and then that helps.
Ha! No problem, Sita. Starting a fashion Substack was a great idea. It gets you out of yourself. And I hate to ay this--because I despise it so much--but exercise, even walking, helps.
OMG, I get it, totally, so I thought you should know that whenever I see your name/notification appear on my updates, I immediately think, "Oh, cool, I always look forward to a David Leite post." I know it sounds woo-woo, but I (and probably many others) think of you as an extension of my friends. Don't let the naysayers get to you -- "Haters gotta hate," and life is too short to waste your time with them. I sincerely appreciate ALL your posts, and more importantly, YOU! Stay well, amigo, you have many virtual friends out here in the web-wide world!😘
Lola, thank you so much for your comment. I can't tell you what it means to me. And it doesn't sound woo-woo at all! I certainly understand what you mean. I have that same experience with some of the writers I follow, too. xx
David - I am sorry to read you are living with depression this summer. It is a mean, mean disease - the meanest thing about it is the way it steals the very things we need (energy, outlook and light for starters) to beat it. I hope that telling you what a special place you keep in our household will be of some help. I am planning a dinner for tomorrow night - and with much anticipation I have put three of my favorites from you on the menu - Sheet Pan Beef Skewers, Tangy Apple Slaw, and, of course, Dark Chocolate Pudding Pie. Maybe Maple Glazed Carrots also. I hope you enjoy knowing that your contributions add so much to my family’s special times together. Thank you.
Carol! That certainly is a great comfort. I'm delighted that you found many family favorites on Leite's Culinaria. The Dark Chocolate Pudding Pie is one of my favorites.
I have been a baker since graduating high school in the 80’s. And I struggle with depression. Beautifully written. It was a pleasure to read and think about. I don’t have the words to express it. Still learning. Thank you for sharing this story.
rleising, I'm sorry you have to struggle with this. I hope you feel better (or are already feeling better). And take care of yourself. I find being creative and working helps me a lot.
When I am depressed, I think I should eat something, but stand in the kitchen and can't think of what. I do watch funny movies. Maybe the point of connection is the bubbles?
I hear you. Alas, when I down allI do is eat....and you can tell by looking at me, i was down a lot. And maybe. If you mean the bubbles of the dough, in a weird way I feel envious of them. They have not a care in the world.
This is such an honest description of your struggles. Your pain is real and the struggle so consuming as you try to fight your way out. I just realized why i need to work with my hands building or making thing or destroying thing as these emotions overtake my own being. Your cooking class and blog has helped fight my own depression.
Lyla, I'm sorry to hear of your depression. Learning to make it an ally rather than an enemy is so helpful. I believe expending all that energy by creating or destroying gets it out of you and into the world, where it can dissipate and be transformed!
Loved to learn of your experience with bread, good, and well...
I'll never forget inverting a banneton over a hot dutch oven. Half made it into the oven, well, the other half didn't. I should have saved that photo.
Keep on doing what you're doing, bring us knowledge for a better life.
Peter, thank you kindly for your comment. It means a lot.
Thank you for sharing. I struggle with depression and baking myself but every day has a sunrise. Keep on going!
And that is something to look forward to. It gets better. I have to remind myself of that sometimes.
never read anything that resonated so perfectly for me. Sorry if it upended your other readers who felt you had a lane to stay in, but by sharing this you found me. thanks so much for putting this out there.
Suddenly I’m miss Midwest Midnight Checkout Queen… this is lovely. Obrigada, querido.
Ha!!! Thank you, Lesa.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. Depression can be a cruel companion. I hope its grip on you doesn't last long.
Thank you, Marjy. It is indeed lifting. Sometimes a five-car pile up of life challenges can put a dent in my spirits. I guess like all of us.
I hear you. Gardening is my salve but cooking used to be. I’ve never thought of myself as being depressed, but at this point in life with things happening I have little or no control over? Yeah, probably. You’ve described it so perfectly. Thank goodness for those who love and extend a hand to soothe.
I hear you, kelly. For years, I was unaware that this thing, this huge maw that I was barely out running was depression. I thought it was what everyone felt.
What a great piece, you’re such a good writer. I know this took a lot of courage to post.
Thank you, JP. I hope all is well over there in Inglaterra.
Yeast living a perfect life are never depressed, it's true. But throw them a curve ball and over proof them or neglect them, and they lose all capability of functioning. Thank you for sharing that you're human and have challenges and pain and upheaval in your life. I am so glad you wrote about this, and so sorry that there are readers who don't understand that our lives are complex and multi-faceted. Keep writing, keep sharing, we're here.
Thanks, Allison. Appreciate it. And I will keep sharing — the good and the bad, the fun and the sad.
Thank you. We need your voice, these words, to show us what depression is, and how we who have cared and may care again for one suffering, can help. Because we want to but we don’t understand. I loved this — my father also bakes and I think he would agree with what you are saying. He suffers from a melancholy though not depression. That was my brother who we lost at 35. I wish he had baked bread.
He definitely does! At 82 and with my 80 yr old mother, he is currently travelling in the south of Italy❤️
Wow!! What a spirited young man!
Thanks, Jessica. I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hope your dad has more better days than not. I'm glad he found baking, though. Such a relief.
I’m depressed AND I have celiac disease so I can’t even eat bread
DOH! So sorry. Are there other things you can make or can do that help? Even for a bit?
Ohhh I was kind of joking, didn’t mean to make you feel bad about eating bread. And yes! I started a Substack newsletter on fashion to make myself get dressed every day. It has actually helped my depression. I’m learning with depression that I’m not going to just wake up one day and feel better and want to do things; I have to force myself to do them when I don’t want to, and then that helps.
Ha! No problem, Sita. Starting a fashion Substack was a great idea. It gets you out of yourself. And I hate to ay this--because I despise it so much--but exercise, even walking, helps.
Beautifully written. 💙
Danke, Ingrid.
OMG, I get it, totally, so I thought you should know that whenever I see your name/notification appear on my updates, I immediately think, "Oh, cool, I always look forward to a David Leite post." I know it sounds woo-woo, but I (and probably many others) think of you as an extension of my friends. Don't let the naysayers get to you -- "Haters gotta hate," and life is too short to waste your time with them. I sincerely appreciate ALL your posts, and more importantly, YOU! Stay well, amigo, you have many virtual friends out here in the web-wide world!😘
Lola, thank you so much for your comment. I can't tell you what it means to me. And it doesn't sound woo-woo at all! I certainly understand what you mean. I have that same experience with some of the writers I follow, too. xx
David - I am sorry to read you are living with depression this summer. It is a mean, mean disease - the meanest thing about it is the way it steals the very things we need (energy, outlook and light for starters) to beat it. I hope that telling you what a special place you keep in our household will be of some help. I am planning a dinner for tomorrow night - and with much anticipation I have put three of my favorites from you on the menu - Sheet Pan Beef Skewers, Tangy Apple Slaw, and, of course, Dark Chocolate Pudding Pie. Maybe Maple Glazed Carrots also. I hope you enjoy knowing that your contributions add so much to my family’s special times together. Thank you.
Carol! That certainly is a great comfort. I'm delighted that you found many family favorites on Leite's Culinaria. The Dark Chocolate Pudding Pie is one of my favorites.
I have been a baker since graduating high school in the 80’s. And I struggle with depression. Beautifully written. It was a pleasure to read and think about. I don’t have the words to express it. Still learning. Thank you for sharing this story.
rleising, I'm sorry you have to struggle with this. I hope you feel better (or are already feeling better). And take care of yourself. I find being creative and working helps me a lot.
When I am depressed, I think I should eat something, but stand in the kitchen and can't think of what. I do watch funny movies. Maybe the point of connection is the bubbles?
I hear you. Alas, when I down allI do is eat....and you can tell by looking at me, i was down a lot. And maybe. If you mean the bubbles of the dough, in a weird way I feel envious of them. They have not a care in the world.